Facing Fears

Singing in public is one of my greatest fears! It stems back to a traumatic experience way back in the 4th grade. My class was in music and we were practicing for our PTA program that was the next night. We were arranged in parts (which is a little intense anyway for the 4th grade), and our teacher was walking through the group listening to us sing. Now, I have to say that even as a 4th grader I was well aware that singing was not one of my gifts. So i was super nervous as my teacher approached me. As she listened to my feeble attempt to sing on key "Fifty Nifty United States" she says in front of the whole class, "Kristin, why don't you just mouth the words when we are all singing tomorrow night for the parents". I was so embarrased and traumatized, and my tender little fourth grade feelings were hurt! I spent the rest of the day trying to keep it together and not cry infront of any one. So that, by the time I got home I could barely contain the emotions. My Mom, being the amazing mother that she was, knew instantly that something was not right, and with in minutes got me to tell the whole story. Like a mama bear, she was ANGRY, and instantly ready to go and defend and protect her cub. I had to beg her not to go to the school and chew my teacher out. She told me that she would be sitting as close to the front as she could get and that I better be singing as loud as I possibly could. She said she wanted to hear me singing out of the whole group. The next night my confidence wasn't to the point where I could sing loud enough for my Mom to hear in the audience, but it was enough that I did actually sing out loud.

Needless to say, that experience ruined any and all ability to feel comfortable singing in front of people in any form. Which has been problamatic when weekend activities with friends have often included karaoke singing or Rock Band as the main attractions. I typically stay home or go and refuse to sing. But last Friday, my old singles ward had a ward activity that was at a Korean Karaoke place. (Korean karaoke is where you can rent a room for only your group instead of singing on a stage in front of alot of strangers, it also normally has a few microphones so multiple people can sing together) I had already decided that I was not going to attend this activity. But during that afternoon I got 5 texts from 5 different people all telling me that I should go, and that they hoped to see me there. I'm still not sure if this was a carefully planned scheme to get me there or if it was completely random that these friends all texted me telling me to come, but in either case it worked and I went. I was adamant that there would be no singing from me. It worked well for about an hour and then Coldplay's Viva la Vida came on. It's one of my favorite songs, and my love of all things Coldplay has been well documented among my friends for some time now. My friends pulled me to my feet, and made it so it was more embarrasing to keep refusing to sing rather then just stand there and get it over with. By the time the chorus started I was singing and bouncing awkwardly along and while I was still embarrased, I realized no body cared, and that I was actually having fun singing one of my favorite songs, and pretty soon I didn't care!! It was a huge moment for me!! I even sang an old school Maddona song later on with my room mate. I felt like I had faced my fears and found out that they were really no big deal. Although I'm not sure facing my fear of the uknown in the ocean or space will be quite so easily conquered!!!